Duty/Routine Motivations

A duty is really the only things that keeps me going in the dark times. That and routine, but they tend to blur a bit.
If I feel I have a duty to someone, it acts as a sort of motivation. If I have told somebody that I will do something for them, but have no motivation due to my being in a dark place, the sense of duty will kick in and give me the motivation to do that thing for the person, but no more.

Routine works sort of like that. I feel that I have to get up, have my breakfast and then leave the house at 8.13 or thereabouts. I feel like I have to get through the day, answering peoples questions and generally doing what I have to do work wise, until I can come home. Most of the routine is done on autopilot, especially when I'm down. It's the mask metaphor again. I get this routine done by the masked me, while inside I'm not paying any attention or doing anything to help.

A sense of duty is hard to break. I know somebody who has tried and failed to try and break his sense of duty, just as an experiment and he failed. I haven't been able to do it. A sense of duty is a little bit due to the way you were brought up, but another part deep rooted in us from society and evolution.
I'll bet the scientists never thought that would happen? (A joke? An attempted joke? Stop Sam. You can't joke. :D )

Duty is the one thing that keeps me going when I have no motivation left. It is my duty to do these things, for people and for myself because if I don't, somebody may suspect something is wrong, or because I've promised to do this. It enables me to do things when in actual point of fact, I don't want to do anything. In saying that, it is sometimes hard to classify something as 'duty' when it's mainly for myself, or the other person says "It's unimportant, no rush." I tend to lose my motivation and have to fight for it a little.
Routine is part of that, it's part of my duty to myself to do these things, to let myself be viewed as 'normal' so I do them. It's also part of the disguise. Part of the mask, the end up trapping me inside sometimes.

If I knew somebody was reading this blog, it would become my duty to post here everyday, or every two days. It's my duty to myself, but if somebody else reads this, I'd like to know. :)

Mostly-functional-human-being
Samantha.