Hope you enjoyed the previous post I did, I know that the post itself was late, and I apologize.
Today though, I'm going to post a link to a Tumblr page which has significant meaning. Pretty much everything this person posts, I have some sort of affinity with. So yeah. It's a short one because I've been/am away from my home and my internet currently.
The blog link is here:
http://pernicioustothemind.tumblr.com/
And the blog itself usually talks to me. I've saved more things from this blog than I actually care to say.
On-'holiday'-but-actually-working-hard
Samantha.
Friday, 19 July 2013
Sunday, 14 July 2013
Posting Problem, Or Rather, Solution
I don't post all too often. I said every two days, it changed to every three, and now it's every five, if I'm lucky.
The reason is this:
This blog, was to get my feelings out. A sort of simple councilor if you will. And when I needed to speak, I spoke, telling my feelings to the world, and maybe helping somebody else understand what it's like. Or to speak out and make a connection with somebody, make them feel like they aren't the only one. If I did that, it was a bonus, but mainly this blog, when I started it, was for me.
But now, recently, I've felt like I haven't needed it. I haven't been down, or depressed. I haven't needed to express myself in any way. And so I haven't. It's as simple as that.
I'll need this blog again at some point, and that's why I keep going with it. That and I still feel down (in a more minor sense) and still feel the need to inform and make a connection and educate so I do. Or at least I try to.
So yeah, I'm not as down as I was, things are changing. It's a good thing. A very good thing. Means less posts, but that's not a bad thing. Not with the stresses of work and assignments as well, (which surprisingly have not been causing a down mood) ontop of posting.
I hope you are all doing well.
So-much-better-than-she's-been-in-a-long-time-human-beinf
Samantha
The reason is this:
This blog, was to get my feelings out. A sort of simple councilor if you will. And when I needed to speak, I spoke, telling my feelings to the world, and maybe helping somebody else understand what it's like. Or to speak out and make a connection with somebody, make them feel like they aren't the only one. If I did that, it was a bonus, but mainly this blog, when I started it, was for me.
But now, recently, I've felt like I haven't needed it. I haven't been down, or depressed. I haven't needed to express myself in any way. And so I haven't. It's as simple as that.
I'll need this blog again at some point, and that's why I keep going with it. That and I still feel down (in a more minor sense) and still feel the need to inform and make a connection and educate so I do. Or at least I try to.
So yeah, I'm not as down as I was, things are changing. It's a good thing. A very good thing. Means less posts, but that's not a bad thing. Not with the stresses of work and assignments as well, (which surprisingly have not been causing a down mood) ontop of posting.
I hope you are all doing well.
So-much-better-than-she's-been-in-a-long-time-human-beinf
Samantha
Monday, 8 July 2013
To This Day Project
Hi guys, long time.
I got sick. Sorry.
Anyway, this is slightly unrelated to the overall thing of depression and everything like that, but at the same time is related. And I'm waffling, I realise that now. Just bear with me.
Shane Koyzcan is a spoken word poet. Earlier this year he released a video titled 'To This Day'. It's a video about bullying. Many animators from around the world volunteered their time and skills to help create a video for this spoken word poem. They were given a 10 second clip of dialogue, the script and the context. They then animated their 10 seconds.
Well, you're probably wondering how this relates to my blog. Well, a while back, I was in a dark spell. I watched this video every single frigging day. Because I was bullied. I was bullied from the very first day I set foot in school to the very last day I left it. Primary school and the people in it hated me. And I found meaning in this video. It struck a chord with me. But at the same time, I hadn't been bullied for years, and I was down and I watched it because the messages in the video, particularly at the end, hold true no matter what situation you are in. The stigma around depression is really bad and can have the same effect as bullying. So here you go. An amazingly wonderful video, really powerful but amazing.
The bit that always gets me: "Someone said she looks like a wrong answer that someone tried to erase but couldn't quite get the job done. But what they don't understand is that she's raising two kids who definition of beauty begins with the word mum. Because they see her heart before they see her soul."
This is an alternate version, with an introduction of about 5 minutes, and it's live.
Less-sick-than-I-was
Samantha.
I got sick. Sorry.
Anyway, this is slightly unrelated to the overall thing of depression and everything like that, but at the same time is related. And I'm waffling, I realise that now. Just bear with me.
Shane Koyzcan is a spoken word poet. Earlier this year he released a video titled 'To This Day'. It's a video about bullying. Many animators from around the world volunteered their time and skills to help create a video for this spoken word poem. They were given a 10 second clip of dialogue, the script and the context. They then animated their 10 seconds.
Well, you're probably wondering how this relates to my blog. Well, a while back, I was in a dark spell. I watched this video every single frigging day. Because I was bullied. I was bullied from the very first day I set foot in school to the very last day I left it. Primary school and the people in it hated me. And I found meaning in this video. It struck a chord with me. But at the same time, I hadn't been bullied for years, and I was down and I watched it because the messages in the video, particularly at the end, hold true no matter what situation you are in. The stigma around depression is really bad and can have the same effect as bullying. So here you go. An amazingly wonderful video, really powerful but amazing.
The bit that always gets me: "Someone said she looks like a wrong answer that someone tried to erase but couldn't quite get the job done. But what they don't understand is that she's raising two kids who definition of beauty begins with the word mum. Because they see her heart before they see her soul."
This is an alternate version, with an introduction of about 5 minutes, and it's live.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sa1iS1MqUy4
Less-sick-than-I-was
Samantha.
Wednesday, 3 July 2013
Kevin Breel: Confessions Of A Depressed Comic
Hey guys. The next few days are gonna be videos, and pictures. Because this is what I feel needs to be seen.
This guy is a comic, but suffered and still suffers from depression. He tells his story, and the he explains why depression is never talked about.
What he says, about the stigma of it? That's what I went through. That's why it took me so long to get help, after nearly 2 1/2 year, I got help because I broke to a point where I couldn't fix myself. I broke one afternoon, came home and felt broken. I felt like a mirror that's bee shattered inside a bag and all the pieces were just rattling around but weren't gonna fix themselves. They weren't going to be fixed.
So please watch. This is an amazing video that all people should watch and understand.
Thank you.
This guy is a comic, but suffered and still suffers from depression. He tells his story, and the he explains why depression is never talked about.
What he says, about the stigma of it? That's what I went through. That's why it took me so long to get help, after nearly 2 1/2 year, I got help because I broke to a point where I couldn't fix myself. I broke one afternoon, came home and felt broken. I felt like a mirror that's bee shattered inside a bag and all the pieces were just rattling around but weren't gonna fix themselves. They weren't going to be fixed.
So please watch. This is an amazing video that all people should watch and understand.
Thank you.
If the video for some reason isn't working, or you want to favourite it etc on YouTube, thern here's the link:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=C3yqXeLJ0Kg#at=319
Sunday, 30 June 2013
Dealing With A Friends Breakdown
I don't know how many times I will end up apologizing for late posts or anything like that. Because really, I don't know where the days went. I was trying to write posts, but at the same time, I've been trying to do a blog for an assessment as well as keep up with everything else and stress has been getting me down.
That and I have a close friend that had a nervous breakdown, in front of me, just a few days ago. I was expecting to have to deal with some more of the depressive stuff from him because I haven't had to for a while, (and a lot of the time, he doesn't survive more than a few weeks without something worrisome happening to him.) It sounds terrible but it's sorta true. I can almost look at a calendar and go, 'Nearly a month since the last time, better get ready.'
But I jest. It's better then actually having to face the facts of what he did. We have been having a phone conversation, I had had a bad day and ended the call. After which my phone was put on silent and I went to bed. I didn't hear him text me, he assumed that I was angry with him or he had hurt me and decided to hurt himself instead. I don't see where the logic goes in with that statement, but I suppose I never have had the inclination to hurt myself or cut myself in for reasons of letting out pain/causing oneself pain, so I never probably will get it.
But yeah, from his shoulder to his wrist and across his palm as well, which was intresting to try and deal with, alongside his sister.
So yeah, I've been dealing with that recently. Trying to compartmentalize my life so his depression/hurt and darkness don't affect me. As well as dealing with the fact that, (as I have to keep telling myself) him hurting himself was not my fault. I'll say it again for impact. It was not may fault. Because the way he said it when he told me and his sister, sounded awfully like he was trying to blame me for it. So yeah. Compartmentalizing so I can still stay the relatively good for a depressive side of myself that has been coming up lately.
I feel it won't stay long though. I have another drama assessment coming up, alongside the added pressures of a short mockumentary to plan, film, edit and produce before September. It sounds like a hell of a long time, but it isn't. I have at least a post a day for the next week and a half as another assessment on feminism and the portrayal of girls in video games/how the gaming industry is prejudice against females. Add to that all my other exams coming up, an internship I have at the local art gallery as a youth media intern and applications and CV's to write and fill in, my stress levels are going to go through the roof in the next 2 months.
At least I'll have something to write about. That sounds bad. It sounds like I want to go dark so I have something to write about. Which I don't. But I do at the same time. Dammit. Sounds terrible.
Oh, and come August 16th, I'll have a poem to publish, or not. It's called Hidden and I wrote it for the National Poetry Competition here in NZ, but can't publish it anywhere else until I know the results. So yeah.... And I might have to hide another one or two of my poem posts while I enter them in a different competition to have them published in a book of budding young Kiwi authors. Who knows, I may be in with a chance, everybody says my work is good so yeah. :)
Until next time, I hope it's more to schedule than this was.
Just-another-less-then-normal-human-being
Samantha.
That and I have a close friend that had a nervous breakdown, in front of me, just a few days ago. I was expecting to have to deal with some more of the depressive stuff from him because I haven't had to for a while, (and a lot of the time, he doesn't survive more than a few weeks without something worrisome happening to him.) It sounds terrible but it's sorta true. I can almost look at a calendar and go, 'Nearly a month since the last time, better get ready.'
But I jest. It's better then actually having to face the facts of what he did. We have been having a phone conversation, I had had a bad day and ended the call. After which my phone was put on silent and I went to bed. I didn't hear him text me, he assumed that I was angry with him or he had hurt me and decided to hurt himself instead. I don't see where the logic goes in with that statement, but I suppose I never have had the inclination to hurt myself or cut myself in for reasons of letting out pain/causing oneself pain, so I never probably will get it.
But yeah, from his shoulder to his wrist and across his palm as well, which was intresting to try and deal with, alongside his sister.
So yeah, I've been dealing with that recently. Trying to compartmentalize my life so his depression/hurt and darkness don't affect me. As well as dealing with the fact that, (as I have to keep telling myself) him hurting himself was not my fault. I'll say it again for impact. It was not may fault. Because the way he said it when he told me and his sister, sounded awfully like he was trying to blame me for it. So yeah. Compartmentalizing so I can still stay the relatively good for a depressive side of myself that has been coming up lately.
I feel it won't stay long though. I have another drama assessment coming up, alongside the added pressures of a short mockumentary to plan, film, edit and produce before September. It sounds like a hell of a long time, but it isn't. I have at least a post a day for the next week and a half as another assessment on feminism and the portrayal of girls in video games/how the gaming industry is prejudice against females. Add to that all my other exams coming up, an internship I have at the local art gallery as a youth media intern and applications and CV's to write and fill in, my stress levels are going to go through the roof in the next 2 months.
At least I'll have something to write about. That sounds bad. It sounds like I want to go dark so I have something to write about. Which I don't. But I do at the same time. Dammit. Sounds terrible.
Oh, and come August 16th, I'll have a poem to publish, or not. It's called Hidden and I wrote it for the National Poetry Competition here in NZ, but can't publish it anywhere else until I know the results. So yeah.... And I might have to hide another one or two of my poem posts while I enter them in a different competition to have them published in a book of budding young Kiwi authors. Who knows, I may be in with a chance, everybody says my work is good so yeah. :)
Until next time, I hope it's more to schedule than this was.
Just-another-less-then-normal-human-being
Samantha.
Sunday, 23 June 2013
An Apology
First off, I owe you an apology. And I suppose I owe myself one as well. Instead of keeping to my schedule and posting as is my duty to myself and you guys; I gave up and let myself down.
The reason being this:
The past 2 to 2 1/2 weeks have been really good for me. I mean really good. Instead of going down, instead of being below the normal persons average, I have been at that average, and have been feeling like I'm going up, and nothing was changing that. It was amazing.
But then something, I'm still by sure what yet, I suspect it had something to do with the upbeat but late night phone call a few nights ago, and I went numb.
You know how I've been saying that I've been feeling again? So to speak at least? Well, that's gone now. I went down, hard, and without me even noticing. I hit rock bottom and went numb. And have stayed there ever since. So my happiness ended with my being a downer now.
So I owe you an apology for not posting but under the circumstances, I believe that I did the right thing, taking a few days for myself. By hopefully it'll be back to normal soon.
You have anything you want to talk to me or ask me about? Do so below.
Now-numb-human-being
Samantha
The reason being this:
The past 2 to 2 1/2 weeks have been really good for me. I mean really good. Instead of going down, instead of being below the normal persons average, I have been at that average, and have been feeling like I'm going up, and nothing was changing that. It was amazing.
But then something, I'm still by sure what yet, I suspect it had something to do with the upbeat but late night phone call a few nights ago, and I went numb.
You know how I've been saying that I've been feeling again? So to speak at least? Well, that's gone now. I went down, hard, and without me even noticing. I hit rock bottom and went numb. And have stayed there ever since. So my happiness ended with my being a downer now.
So I owe you an apology for not posting but under the circumstances, I believe that I did the right thing, taking a few days for myself. By hopefully it'll be back to normal soon.
You have anything you want to talk to me or ask me about? Do so below.
Now-numb-human-being
Samantha
Thursday, 13 June 2013
Quick update
Just another day, just anther stressed out day. Too much coursework, too much real work, too much of everything and too little relaxation time. Ball tomorrow.
Dressing up and dancing like a rave, two things I thought would never go together, but apparently they do.
Too much assessment work to be getting on with, but for my ball the theme is 'Once Upon A Time' as in fairytales, not the show, as such.
Think greek goddess, only not white. Ringlets and material roses the same colour in my hair. I may share pictures. Maybe not. :)
Anyway, I have much to do.
Busy-and-tired-human-being
Samantha
Dressing up and dancing like a rave, two things I thought would never go together, but apparently they do.
Too much assessment work to be getting on with, but for my ball the theme is 'Once Upon A Time' as in fairytales, not the show, as such.
Think greek goddess, only not white. Ringlets and material roses the same colour in my hair. I may share pictures. Maybe not. :)
Anyway, I have much to do.
Busy-and-tired-human-being
Samantha
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)