Motivation; Of Lack Thereof

A lack of posts for the past few days can be explained. A) it was my birthday, and B) I wasn't motivated to do anything other than mope.

One thing I've found with depression is that when dealing with it, you tend to have depressive spells. Rather obvious so far right? Well....in my case, and in a few cases I know, when these depressive spells occur, I also end up with a large lack of motivation. This motivation is rather because I am in a mood that is 'downer' and lifeless. Feeling numb means feeling not sad and not hurt, it also means not feeling happy. It also means not feeling excited about something. It means a lack of motivation.

This lack of motivation comes from the fact that well, you don't want to do anything. Depression is not so much the hurt and pain, or the sadness or numbness. It's not happiness and being excited about things. It's more often than not, a lack of these things. You lack motivation, you lack the will to get up and do something, say something, socialise.

Motivation is what drives us in our lives, it's what causes up to actually do things. Eating is driven by motivation; a motivation to eat which is driven by hunger, or emotional distress in many cases. So a lack of motivation, leads to a pretty dull, stale life.
A lack of motivation can cause problems in even the simplest of lives. The will to do something is strong in our lives; the will to get out of bed in the morning, to run for the bus or train, to hang out with friends or even to get changed out of our pyjamas. There is an alternate form of this, which is a sense of duty, or rather, doing something or somebody else. Often routine comes into that too, but that's an alternate part of this conversation.

So depression causes a lack of everything, in particular motivation to do things. To fight your way out of depression requires that aforementioned motivation, which often you are lacking. The only way to fight your way out is to find something that works, that gives you a want to do something, to give you motivation. Like if you want to get fit and make it your duty to go to the gym to get fit, you will have to fulfil your promise to yourself to achieve your goal and it will give you the motivation to do this action. It snowballs from there. So small goals, leading to long term goals. Something to improve your life, or change it in good ways. A small goal, weekly perhaps. That leads into a bigger change or goal. If you want it badly enough, it will give you the motivation you require, to get up in the morning, and do something for YOURSELF, because often that is the hardest part. The doing something for yourself.

That's what this is for me. My goal is to be able to express myself better and to fight my way out of my depression, even for good times. This is what my blog does for me. My motivation is to write a blog post at least one every 2 days, that's what I have to do to succeed on this blog. And I have to enjoy it, or get something from it, and I do.

Average-for-myself-(which is to say below average for normal people)-existing-human-being

Samantha.